Take control

I read through my old posts on here, and then deleted them; fuck that. I thought to myself, what a whiny little bitch. I can not believe how much I've grown since I started posting on this thing. I've taken control of my life: mind, body, and soul.

I'm at the gym almost every night, perfecting and sculpting. It's not that I'm insecure, I'm just incredibly aware of what little control I have in my world. Father in and out of the hospital, Mike's unsteady job, the demands at my own job; everything is so chaotic. But as of lately I've found complete peace with knowing I have the most control over my body. I'm not just going to get skinny, fuck being some thin little twig, I want to get strong. I'm working out with navy seals, I'm waking up at 5 am for spin classes. I've never been so committed to anything in my life.

Life won't get magically better on it's own, it never will. I'm learning that you truly do reap what you sow. I'm desperately trying to make sure the future I am creating is going to be something I can be proud of. For 30 mins each day I sit down and read the teachings of the Buddha and drink some tea, think about what's wrong and what power I have to improve those things. Don't be angry, don't be sad. We have such little time to spend alive, there's no point in wasting it not being happy.